Spoken Words

If anyone has ever been to a Spoken Words stage performance, you know it's deep, graphic, and creative. Each poetic brings their own twist to a magnificent story that is being told from ones own prospective. I've done a show before and proclaimed to do it again but haven't found the time (or bravery) to do so. But! This is one small piece I recently wrote while I was sitting in a hallway waiting for my friend to get home. Enjoy! 

Being with him revealed the most darkest shadows of my life. He turn me into a thing; not even human, but a living organism that no one could identify. Not even me. He pulled out all my strong forces then took me by my bare skin and stripped me apart. All there was left of me was human flesh. And a heart that was unrecognizable. Doctors, nurses, they all ask, "what is that?" He took me by the hand and walked me in a circle that had no ending and no beginning; he made me question who I am and I believed him. He allowed me to bring out the best in him while I sat back and pretended I was doing it for us. He was nothing to no one and everyone told me, yet I believed him bc I thought I could change him. While in changing him, I changed who I was and lost my path, for believing I had it all under control. My inner voice told me to go, to put my trust in me. I did. I tried! Every time I walked out that door on my attempt to say good bye, I meant it; I felt it, it was fucking real. But some how, I ended back on that hallway, alone, sitting on a dirty carpet wondering "how did I get back here?" Trying to recollect the past years of my life, I realized, "I am here bc I am a fool. Bc I fed into my impulses and believed the devil that is behind this deep darkness. I am here bc I have been weaken, again by the hairy monster that prides himself on phoniness, omission, facades, and lies. I am here bc I didn't listen to myself or some how seem to have forgotten that all I've done since the day I put eyes on that man was suffer and watch myself wither away to place I can't escape. I've drowned myself in believing this was love. People say love hurt, but this wasn't pain. This was a deep look into the other side. The side we often refer to as hell. Yeah, this was fucking hell. And I stupidly sat on the passenger side. Allowing this fool to drive. How, I ask? What ever have come of me? I say this is my last time, but I've said that before. I want to fucking mean it already. When does the last time really become the last time? Bc he told me he loved me and I believed him. The fool is I, not him. This is no longer his problem. But mine.

Finally :)

I think I finally reached my plato. After months of seeing everything come together, I am finally here in a stable place with vertically no room for error. As a single mom, full time student and a demanding job, I thought I'd never get to a place in my life where balance was no issue, success is flowing, school is on track and everyone is happy. Finally I'm in that place! 

A few months ago I'd wake up thinking, "I'll make it through this day, just do what I did yesterday and try to see if you can do it better." As the day went by, I just got by. Now I wake and say, "getting by wasn't so bad after all bc it got me to where I wanted to go." Although I couldn't see it, I was evolving into my life's creation. 

Everyday I wake up I am thankful. Thankful to God as I am thankful to myself bc we did not give up. This tells me perseverance pays off and we need to keep pushing through. 

Margie ❤

Been A While

Although its only been a little over a month, feels much longer since I posted something on my blog. 

Lets see... Since my last post lots has happen in my life & around the world. Bc I live in Boston, it's my duty to point out our latest headlines. Patriots "once upon a time" Tight end Mr Aaron Hernandez. I think some ladies would agree when I say,  it's a damn shame to watch a man that sexy go to waste! Not only did he waste his gifted talent but he's youth and his good looks. 

Segue to something my yoga instructor said today "years ago a man who sat and read the entire New York Times consumed enough knowledge to last him a year. Today we take in the same amount of information through technology, work, family, shopping etc in one day. It is no wonder more people today suffer from anxiety more than ever." Now that wasn't what he said that caught my attention. It was when he said "we are made today the same way we where hundreds of years ago. Our bodies have not changed. So why did we?" I firmly believe there's a piece in all of us that knows who we truly are but bc we look around and see how much easier it is to stick to the trend, we follow along like zombies. Luckily there are a few who aren't followers nor pretend to be leader but are simply connected to themselves. Those are the ones leading the way for the future - for all those who know what's inside but can't reach it. Remember, the two most important days of our lives is the day we where born and the day we discover who we are. Rewind back, Hernandez is a product of what he knows whether he is found guilty or innocent, a leading thug is what he'll always be. 

Margie ❤

Lying

I don't know about most people but I forget when people lie to me. Most of the time I don't even address it bc it's so trivial. But after being with someone who only told lies (pathological) now I feel I have to keep track of the lies I'm told. Most importantly from new people I meet. Is different with kids - especially teens bc 9 out of 10 times when their mouth is moving they're lying. Those are your kids though. You can easily (with a great deal of psychological manipulation bc they always omit a few things) control those situations bc your the parent. But when it comes to dealing with grown people most importantly when you're dating, one small lie makes you (me more now) think/feel like your whole future with that person can turn into a lie; live a lie then one day 3 years later wake up to learn its all been a lie.  Now you've spent 3 years that you'll never get back living a lie. Even worst, you saw the sings from the beginning but decided "oh that's not a big deal. It's a small lie, maybe he/she wasn't comfortable or ready to tell me yet!" Ha!! Yeah until that becomes the situation you live with and that person is never "ready" to tell you. At that point your caught up and in love so you'll probably just makes excuses for them. 

After being with someone that I fall in love with (hard) then slowly but surely (and lucky for only a year but a year too long) discovering how far fetch his life was compared to the life he was portraying, my demeanor is somber still but my vision and ears are piercing. I'm calculated now. No more will lies be considered "small." A lie is a lie -- my  approach is, bring it up. If they're not ready, give it a few more days/dates/conversations whatever y'all are doing and bring it up again. If they refuse to discus it again, they have something to hide and your approach needs to be more of a demand. You don't know what he/she is truly all about and the last thing you want is to get caught up. My ex (the one I fall hard for) I found out dude was a pimp. Yet he is a Harvard student and a Entrepreneur. Surprise! And let me add, I'm quick on my feet and have loads of common sense. I observed very closely but there where so many lies compacted together sometimes I didn't know which lie to address first. Hence my Ex! ;) 

With that said, jot down those lies you definitely know are lies (especially if you can prove them) and wait a bit. If you have more then one thus far, play your cards right - get the truth or start reconsidering bc no lie is big or small but it will be when it becomes the life you live. 

 TheTruthHurtsButLetMeChooseHowIDealWithMyPain!! 

A few words for the soul

These are a few of the messages delivered at church today. These spoke deeply to me and I am happy to pass it along. With the hope that it will speak to others. 

----Move Forward----

1⃣Forget past mistakes

2⃣Finish what you started 

3⃣Follow through with what you have always been taught 

----Mature Faith----

🔸Careful who you listen to

🔸Bc of spiritual confusion people are listening to what the world has to say

🔸Times change, God does not

----Top 10 Fears----

1⃣Failure

2⃣Success 

3⃣Rejection

4⃣People

5⃣Sickness

6⃣Finances 

7⃣Lost of love 

8⃣Future 

9⃣Aging

10 Death 

We could be walking in faith, yet have fear. Eventually one will beat the other. Choose how and who you walk with. Bc fear will weaken you; fear will cause you to forget what good God has already done in you. 

KeepTheFaith. 

Old Pictures

Looking back at old pictures of my kids. I get a yearning feeling to reach into the computer keel down on my knees look into my daughter eyes and tell her "I've seen the future baby and its not all fun and games. It's a tough world out there and there so much pain. Let me hold you forever and pray you never grow." 

Motherhood is not easy. Raising a young girl and preparing her for the world is the biggest most difficult job any woman will face. Sometimes I wish I could turn back times and turn my 16 year old back to my little 7 year old who had no knowledge of pain and difficulties. 

Don't rush your kids; allow them to take their time, watch them grow slowly bc one day, they'll be grown and won't remember those moments when they called you "Mommy" and came running to you with every need/want and desire. 

I see people who are just getting started with their families and think to myself how much they have to learn. Mine are 16 and 9. Luckily I have a 9 year old and I tell you, everyday I look into his eye, his cute little face and thank God that his still little and I get to hold him in my arms. Bc the day will come where he too will drift away. 

A Mothers Desire to Withhold the Growth of Her Children. ♥♥

Our Creative Mind

Sometimes I find myself wondering does this life belong to me or am I just another peasant to the world? 

We work so hard to reach our goals and discover our place in the world then we get there and think its time to sit and relax - take it all in bc it wasn't an easy road. However, now that we've made it this far we know this is just a small piece of our lives and there's still so much to come. Lately, I've been heavily drawn to people 25-30 years older then me. I mean I've always had a coherent  relationship w/my parents and we we'd speak to each other like grown folks (although I didn't know then what I know now). I remember being like 10 years old and my father would vent to me about his marital problems. Yeah it's wasn't right.  Subjectively speaking he was robbing me from my youth. But I was a young adult at a very young age - I was equipped w/keen survival skills and a broad understanding of the world at a very young age I knew how to communicate to others and get my point across at any expense and to the best of my knowledge. Looking back now, I have no regrets and I'm glad my parents where (for lack of better words) ignorant to the world and seek support in a young pure and innocent soul. Ultimately, it matured me and provided me w/the mind set of determination. Now in my 30's I am drown to a crowd much older than me bc in them I see what I want to grow up to be. 

See we all have a vision; a skill we want to tap into, some have even been blessed w/many wonderful skills (not I lol) while others have a few basics. But the key is to see what you where called up to do - to discover your passion and pursue it. Wasn't till very recently when I discovered that in order to be successful and endeavor my goal, I'll have to adopt a mentor. Then I thought "where the hell will I find one?" I'm a complex individual and to understand me, you'll have to think deep. Nevertheless in God's grace, and unbeknown to me, I was in the right place at the right time and found her. Much older, much wiser, and filled w/a world of knowledge I yet to know anything about. Feels like opening a book into my own future. All bc I opened my mind and saw that in this world we need people such as. 

When we humble ourselves before our God, our flesh will follow the path of righteousness. For each day I am thankful for having a receptive heart and an open mind; each day I am grateful for having the strength to power up my ability to be blessed and give blessing to others; for each day, I open my heart, open my mind and not afraid. 

In order to live peace, we have to stop allowing society to tell us how to live and create our own path w/our experiences. 

Ladies Room

How often are we reminded by our love ones that the one beside us is only pulling us down? Listen..... Personally, I'm an analytical articulate woman. There isn't much about my life people can tell me that I don't already know or haven't already giving it thought. The complicity really relies on when you're in a room filled with all those who love and know you best and every single one of them is sending the same message (while not telling each other) of "you can do so much better" but no one is saying a word yet attempting to be open-minded of your very poor decision bc they love you (my family wears their heart on their shoulders). For the first time, you feel your body being filled with shame and embarrassment bc you know what they're thinking is small compared to what you already know. Then you look into your mothers eyes and see her pain and feel compelled to apologize bc as a mother yourself, you'd hate to see your daughter with a man of such little worth taking her time and taking her for granted. 

THE TWIST! 

No one in that room knows you've already mastered a plan and put together a plot bc although you may pretend to be blind is only part of the idea you're portraying. 

Woman are highly intelligent creatures - what makes us dumb (for lack of better words) is when we listen to our hearts and ignore our loudly vivid thoughts. Most woman I know are as stubborn and hardheaded as myself. We don't take short cuts and we do our own research. When a man can't do right by you no matter how many chances you give him to proof his worth, he'll never change. Yet you continue to stand by his side hoping and praying one day he will. That's your heart talking. Now if you can make the separation between realism and false hopes, you'll discover being w/him is not where you want to be. When our hearts are leading the way, we convince ourselves that we are in love; that we can't live w/out this man, we  sacrifice our dignity, our believes and begin to adapt to their ways bc we are willing to do/say anything to have just one day of complete solace w/that man. STOP! Listen to your mind - tell your heart you've already hear what it has to say and now it's time to set it aside.  When a man loves and respects you, none of those demands shall take place. And when you realize the life you've been living didn't belong to you, it'll be easy to let go and you'll be happy to spread your wings and fly away. But before you go, set a plan to fine complete closure at any expense bc if he can't make you happy now, he'll always have you wondering "what could've?" Make a mental list of the things you MUST know before letting go, check them off (we woman love making list, makes us feel accomplished) as you go and that way when you've set yourself free, you'll go in peace knowing there isn't nothing left - not a single piece of hope bc he failed every test you put him through. Oh! And don't play naive either. Be dramatic about it - be loud and put on a show. Pretend your in a movie and your the main character. Put him on blast so he knows all along you've been watching, listening while he thought he had you, you where simply setting your plot to set yourself free. 

Good Luck Ladies... 

I believe in the Power of Woman... 

Disability

I have this friend whose father has been disabled since he (my friend) was 16 years old. My friend is now going on 35 in a couple of months. He is his fathers youngest out of 7. In fact, his parents where married for many years, had 4 children together then divorced remarried had a few more kids in those relationships and in the miracle of God rekindle their love and had my friend.

Now, my friend hasn't been the greatest of all man most his life. He has done and still does many of the things I'll label here. Sells drugs, impregnate two woman at the same time, been in jail, bought and lost homes, pimps, brings all sorts of women in and out of the home (he still lives at home) at all hours of the day, obviously drinks and smokes regularly (goes hand&hand), and bickers too much with his 69 year old mother who still holds down a job and takes care of her disable husband and very often son. But on the contrary, this guy earned a BA at a great college in Boston, has had many music successes, is a great father, attends Harvard University, financially supports his family, and over all has a good intended heart.

Now think.....everything I've mentioned here happens in the sight and the hearing of his disable father that is not verbal. So my point it. I got to thinking....what would his father have to say to him if he could talk? What compassionate wisdom would this father have for his son? He's been watching and listening to his sons life as a disable man for over 19 years now, he's gotta have so much buried inside, ripping to come throw. When I began to have these thoughts, I shared it w/my friend then asked him what ideas draw to him if he's father could talk? He said "I love you son." I'll admit, I had to sit down bc tears came rolling down my eyes immediately.
Right away I sent my father a text telling him I love him. Bc you know what, this could be our parents and one day it could even be us.

After a prayer of sorrow, I shared a citing I read in the bible: Jesus put mud on the blind mans eyes then told him to go wash it off in the river - as the man raised up, he had vision again. I pray this will happen for my friend.

Furthermore, no one person is seen as doing good or bad when all his longs for is those 4 simple words. I willing to bet, it would change this mans life and uplift him from the pain and remorse killing him inside.

Be loving - appreciate your parents - take good care of them - have many conversations with them everyday if possible bc it could be the last one.

Manhunt is Over

As a Boston resident, I must say I've never been so proud of my city. They came and they concern; they spent days upon days, upon hours searching and working together as a team until the mission was complete. These law enforcement men and woman used the skills and determination they were trained for to capture the perpetrator of this horrific crime as a TEAM! And the residents of Boston assisted in any possible way to bring this hunt into a successful one w/out jeopardizing the lives of any others.

Although the manhunt is over, there are still grieving families who need our support. Please keep praying and supporting these families in anyway possible. Every little bit counts.

Proud to be a Bostonian.

Pray For Boston

Our prayers and faith goes out to everyone suffering yesterday's horrific tragedy in Boston.

May God save those souls and protect the ones who still have a chance of survival.

Give Thanks

Before going to sleep each day, I go down a mental list of my daily accomplishments. I realize without doing so I'd just be living day by day with no direction just getting through. As I list those daily endeavors, it comes to me that this day I am one step closer to my ultimate goal. And once I get there I will have reached my plato and steer on drive and begin my new work. The work to continue to apply my gift to help others. And my love to do so.

See...everyday may be redundant. But do you ever stop to say "wow, although not every minute of the day I was smiling, this was a God giving blissful day bc without air to breath and food to eat, my suffering could have increased and lead me to despair." All I'm saying is, give thanks bc you are more of an achiever than you give yourself credit for.

Kids

What ever happen to "kids will be kids" or "boys will be boys?" I remember back when my brothers boys where small they do things and is say "your sons rude!" Then shortly after I had a son of my own and now fine myself allowing him to do the same. Because he's just a kid.

We parents are always contradicting ourselves. At one end we want our kids to grow up slow- take their time their only a kid once. Then on the other end, we reprimand them and punish them when they are just being kids.

Today my 9 year old "pants" a friend. Yeah sure its inappropriate behavior for school and he shouldn't had done it. But shoot, those things are funny to kid their age - boys goof off and do silly things to one another all the time. And the beauty of it is, they never hold grudges - stay upset. They shake hands and move on. My son school made a huge deal out of it. When in reality, nothing's wrong with my son. He gets good grades, is a thoughtful student and behaves well. Is the other kids parent that can't teach their kid to just have fun, be a kid.

Is no wonder these kids are seeing psychologist and on medicines before the they hit the double digits. Parents are making zombies of their children.

Questions

Ever wonder why things start turning left when your direction is to the right?

Lately is what I find myself asking. How does one stop the clock? How can we get the answer to what is happening around us and has them? We coordinate these wonderful plans to form our lives and the lives of the ones we love and yet they fail. How do we make everyone happy? And how do we know they are really happy and not just conforming to the environment around them and faking a smile?

Problem is, when you live, you live to stay alive. Never giving up hope and always willing to do the unexpected to reach your goal the goals of the ones you live for.
 

If all we can do is hold our heads above water long enough to catch the next breath, then be it. Because every breath we take will power us with life.

Pluralism

In a world of pluralism…

In the words of the great American poet: Gwendolyn Brooks; “We are each other’s business; we are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.”

Don’t keep silence as silence will always hunt you. Don’t cross your arms and conform as conforming will lead you down the wrong path. Reach out and help/embrace your fellow brother or sister and help him/her see the world from your eyes. The eyes of a believer.

Hope. Faith. Believing.

 

When I feel low in motivation, I gear into finding hope and inspiration. I choose to only feed my mind and heart with love and optimistic energy to regain my direction.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzjfkJaaSNo&list=LLW5aeyuWe57sa9PCUvrW7eQ

My Serendipitous Lunch

My professor instructed us to take a one hour lunch. Because I didn’t want to stay in my seat for an extra hour, I decided to take a short walk (although we are in the middle of a blizzard). In my walk I ran into this very attractive tempo. After discovering the menu is vegetarian base and meditation is offered. I decided to check it out. Unbeknown to me, I met a lovey lady with my same name and was invited to join the complementary lunch hour. During which time, I participated in a Chinese prayer of peace and thankfulness; I learnt the tempo was built in 1940 in China and now there are over 200. Their purpose is to bring people from all cultures together to practice peace of mind and mental wealth.

See… Our spontaneous walks of life are bound to teach us something new every time. Today I learn the gift of peace is shared among us all. We simply have to stop to take it in.

Welcome

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